We have all been there. The pain and heartbreak that a break-up inflicts upon our hearts can sometimes be overwhelming. And the anger that burns can take over our ability to function. But, in order for someone to get on with their lives, one must forgive. And it can be a very difficult thing to do. But, once that ability to let go is in your heart, you will be free, and you will be able to move on with your life. You need to allow yourself the opportunity to free your heart and free your mind. If you carry the hurt around with you, you will never be able to find love again. The ability to forgive will allow you to move on with your quest to find love and be happy. Even if that means swallowing your pride.
When you blame someone for the pain that you’re feeling, it can be an out of control downward spin. The end of a relationship means a variety of feelings, and usually the anger is the feeling that takes over the most. Asking the question as to why we should forgive those who have broken our hearts. The answer is that we aren’t saying it was ok for the person to hurt us so much, but to understand we had no control over it, and we need to let go in order to move on.
So, just how can you forgive? What steps can you take to ensure that your pain is gone and your ability to move on is in you, and you realize that you can do it?
UNFORGIVENESS MEANS HOLDING ON
The first step is to realize that if you lack the ability to forgive, if you carry that unforgiveness in your heart, then you are holding your ex in your heart and bringing him with you everywhere you go. That’s just like walking around with a dagger stuck inside you, which means your heart is closed off from all the good love that is out there waiting for you. The sooner you start letting go, the sooner you begin to heal.
LOOK AROUND AT ALL THE GOOD
Look around and count your blessings. Are you able to get up in the morning, to talk, to see, to think? Are you gainfully employed? Do you have a car, food, a home? Think about all of those good things, and you will realize this is just a small bump on the walk of life. Think about loving and kind words, great moments in your life. What sounds do you, what smells? Play a happy song or relive a happy moment. You need to appreciate the good. Remember and contact all the people in your life that love you and will stick by you no matter what. Make a list, and read it often.
WORK ON WHAT MAKES YOU “YOU”
Give yourself a pep talk. Make a list of all the things that are good about you. Write down what it is you do that can make a difference. That you are worth being loved, that you are strong, that you are beautiful. Talk to yourself about these amazing attributes that you possess. Focus on you! Tell yourself that you are healing, that you are moving on, that you are going forward. And start to think about others. Call someone you have not talked to in awhile, offer to help out an elderly relative. Volunteer somewhere. Put your focus on something else, on someone else. Make a difference.
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
Laugh. Go out with the girls. Have a party. Play some board games, watch funny movies, go to a comedy club. There’s no doubt that laughter is the best medicine. Laughter can heal. Friends can heal.
Surround yourself with things that make you think of home. A comfy blanket, mom’s chicken soup. A close friend, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine. Feeling comfortable and warm and content is all good ways of healing and moving on. These are healthy steps in getting back to a normal routine. Go for a walk, or join a gym. Exercise is also another way to promote your self-confidence and also a good way to get out a meet new people. Maybe even meet that special someone.
GET HELP, THINK POSITIVE
Maybe you do need to talk to a professional. If so, call and schedule an appointment with a counselor or a clergy person. Talk to a friend who can be objective. Sometimes the pain is so intense that you need to talk to someone, and that’s ok. It is just a normal and positive step in healing.
Lastly, think of all that you have learned from the ending of that relationship, and how you can move forward in your next relationship. Or remember the things that you learned from the other person, a new skill or talent learned, a taste for a new type of food. Remember that the relationship had it’s good points, and you can turn that into positive.
You’re on a new adventure, and that’s ok. This is a new and exciting time in your life, believe it or not. You only get one chance to live, and don’t waste it harboring old or ill feelings. Let go, it’s going to be fine. You are going to be fine, and you are going to find love again. Open your heart, and the rest will fall into place.