Good Women - Bad Men The reason why some good women end up with men who are all wrong for them is rooted deeply in the way women view their personal identities. In their early childhood, the subliminal message from their parents is always be a good girl. "Bad" is simply not a word that is synonymous with being a female child. The role of the good little girl begins nearly from birth. The expectation in early childhood is that female children are not as curious about whom they are or the world they live in. Theirs is to obey without question, while their male childhood counterparts slip below lines of discipline and are viewed in the familiar vernacular, "boys will be boys." Good little girls never stray from their guilt feelings that their identity must be tied to goodness. Like a moth to a flame, they yearn to break free of the tight bonds of goodness and the nearest they come to that unfamiliar freedom are the men they choose as adult females.
Women And Men And Romance Men are natural born wanderers since the earliest prehistoric males left the caves to hunt and forage for food. The patina of bravery was the sole domain of men. The role of prehistoric women was set:
- Remain behind in the role of childcare provider
- Tend to the needs of the warriors returning from the hunt or battle
- Maintain a domicile that brought comfort to children and mates
In many ways, this stereotypical role has not changed in the modern world. All that is omitted is the cave and the prehistoric male head of household. Today's women are hopelessly locked into the role of super women who accept male irresponsibility, abandonment and single motherhood, all while they maintain the domicile, a full-time job and attend to childcare. All of this leaves today's women in a twilight zone that totally lacks free time or a semblance of freedom. Taking on too much responsibility by enabling their partners to avoid their obligations to their spouses and mates is another reason why good women end up with bad men.
Two As One - The Clue To A Couple's Unity Most women today tend to avoid looking too deeply at their relationships. The subconscious fear of having to confront issues is that they may make their partners uncomfortable, further exacerbating fears of abandonment. The reality of a truly valuable bond between a man and a woman is their ability to grow as one. When good women choose bad men, they realize too late that growth of the relationship is not possible. This growth may be inhibited for several reasons:
- The good woman wants a relationship that grows. Her partner is oblivious to growth in any relationship.
- The good woman is not genuinely loved. Her partner merely has an overpowering physical desire for her.
- The good woman may be attracted by looks or other peripheral factors. Her partner exhibits an equally superficial attraction.
- The good woman is attracted to a partner because he represents a missing male figure in her early childhood. The partner has no desire to be a surrogate parent or male sibling. This occurs in May-December relationships as well as others.
- The good woman is emotionally insecure and becomes ready prey for emotional predators.
How To Avoid "Good Woman/Bad Man" Choices The first and most important issue for good women to resolve is their own feelings about their personal identity. Emotional insecurity may lead good women to total lack of self-confidence and self-assurance. These two qualities, more than any others, is essential for making consciously wise choices about men. A self-confident, self-assured woman is far more capable of knowing the type of man who suits her spiritual, physical and emotional needs best. This woman chooses the man who adds to her persona and enhances her identity. This is how good women with a positive sense of identity learn which men are right for them.
Is He Good Or Is He Bad? "Bad" can be a subjective word when misused. There are always obvious signs that a man is simply not the best choice for a woman. Yet, some women in their emotional desperation choose to ignore all that their keenest sense of good and bad tell them. Bad men do often choose good women in the hopes that they can recapture the goodness and decency they once possessed. However, the final decision to move a relationship forward is always up to the woman. The simplest way to know if a man is bad for a woman is to ask a fundamental question: "Am I better off with him, or without him?"
Why Women Ignore All the Signs the Man Is Wrong For Them There is one other type of female personality. This is the conversionist. She knows the man is bad. Still, she relies on her personal emotional savior to convert the man from bad to good. There are several things wrong with this idea. First, this is a male adult, not a child capable of being molded into a self-disciplined adult. Second, the conversionist assumes the man truly wants salvation. Third, the conversionist believes if she offers proof of total dependence and absolute faith and trust, the natural response will be fair and equitable behavior from the man. Without realizing the depth of emotional atrocity the woman has now ventured into, instead of his savior, she becomes his victim. She has handed over all she is and will be and her predictable behavior becomes a too obvious weapon. Lastly, men are raised with a very different, more liberal set of values than women. Men determine good and bad differently.
Numbers Aren't Important For men, being number one is important. Women are not raised to the expectation of being number one. Women accept directives and issues easily. Men readily confront directives and issues they feel are not suitable for their needs. In any relationship, two must become one. As such, numbers aren't important.